TOP 20 FUNNIEST JOKES
1.Anna: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant’s milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
Ben: That’s impossible. Whose baby?
Anna: An elephant’s.
2.Two children are talking.
Annie: Meet my new born brother.
Benet: Oh, he is so handsome! What’s his name?
Annie: I don’t know. I can’t understand a word he says.
3.A teacher is talking to a student.
Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
4.The teacher says: Today, we’re going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say “I am beautiful,” which tense is it?
The student says: Obviously it’s the past tense.
5.In the classroom the teacher is asking a student to do something.
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with “I.”
Student: I is the …
Teacher: Stop! Never put “is” after “I.” Always put ‘am’ after “I.”
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
6.A child asked to his mother:
-mom! Can you give me some money?
His mom : why?
-I will give to a old man
His mom : well done! Okay, where is the old man ?
-Momm.. He is at the end of the street…He is selling ice-cream
7.A man in a hotel: Waiter, there is a dead fly in my bean soup.
Waiter: Oh, the hot soup must have killed it sir.
8.Wife: Why do you wear your specs only when I come in.
Husband: The doctor has ordered me to wear my specs whenever I get an headache.
9.Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Max.
Max who?
Max no difference to you, just open up and let me in!
10.Customer in a hotel: Waiter, this soup tastes funny!
Waiter: Oh!, the chef must have been laughing when he prepared it sir.
11.Man1: Your kid just looks like you.
Man2: Shhh, not so loud. That’s the next door lady’s kid
12.Man 1: My son does not listen to anything that I say.
Man 2: Is he so adamnant?
Man 1: No, he is deaf.
13.Girl: Mom, today the teacher beat me for something that I didn’t do.
Mother: That’s very bad of your teacher. What was it that you didn’t do?
Girl: The homework.
14.Teacher: “Amy, what do you call the outside of a tree?”
Student: “No idea miss”
Teacher told angrily: “Bark, Amy”.
Amy: “Bow Wow Wow Miss”
15.Wife to her husband: Wake up. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they are now eating the food I made last night.
Husband: Oh! Let’s better call the ambulance then.
16.My wife complained the other day that our kitchen clock almost killed her mother.
It fell seconds after where she had been sitting. That darned clock always was slow.
17.Man 1: After buying this new hearing aid, I am able to hear something two blocks away.
Man 2: Cool, how much did it cost?
Man 1: The time is three past ten.
18.My brother is a terrible musician. The other day he asked my sister if she had heard his last recital.
She replied: “I certainly hope so”.
19.Friend 1: Is it true that your wife talks to herself when she is alone?
Friend 2: I don’t know. I wasn’t with her when she was alone.
20.Lady 1: My son is very well behaved.
Lady 2: How can you say that? Wasn’t he arrested and imprisoned for 5 years.
Lady 1: Yes, but he got out after 2 years for good behavior inside the jail.
