30 Essential Kenny Powers Quotes With Images
30 Essential Kenny Powers Quotes With Images – Kenny Powers is a fictional world-renowned baseball player in the HBO television comedy series Eastbound and Down, played by Danny McBride. He was once portrayed as a prominent baseball pitcher whose poor work ethic, arrogance and petty temperament have jeopardized his professional career. In season one, Powers becomes a substitute physical education teacher, who is attempting to return to Major League Baseball.
1.— Kenny Powers,
“It’s like goddamn Cocktoberfest in here. I’m excited too, but let’s not touch dicks, alright.”
2.“It’s no mystery that ass has always been tits’ greatest enemy. It’s almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass.”
3.“There’s gonna be an ass-ton of crabs, lobsters, wine, Bartles & Jaymes, corn on the cob, fuckin’ booger sugar.”
4.“I’m wearing all black. Outlaws wear black. Fags and cocaine dealers wear white.”
5.“Gross! You’re crop-dusting my whole entire bedroom with your pubes right now. Don’t be sorry, dude. Just cover up that marble sack.”
Quotes With Images – 30 Essential Kenny Powers Quotes With Images
6.“Once again I’m with the hottest chick in town, buyin’ the most expensive fashions, dinin’ in the fanciest food places, riding around on goddamn jet skis. Rainin’ trim. Hallucinogens. Jet skis again. Throwin’ heat. And getting laid.”
7.“Yeah Stevie, I’m pretty sure the guy I’m looking for didn’t direct the fucking Blair Witch Project. Just forget you ever heard the name Eduardo Sanchez. Forget that he supposedly lives in a village near here. Forget that he is not Mexican, but a gringo.”
8.“If you’ve got something you want to say, then just say it. You can save us a lot of time with this fuckin’ pointless history lesson in this goddamn creepy, uninmpressive, fuckin’ hall. I don’t like it in here. It’s gross.”
9.“If I had to choose, I mean historically, I’ve always considered myself to be a tit man.”
10.— Kenny Powers
“Is that my thong? Oh, dude no way! You do not go in my drawers and take out a pair of my chones. That is a big no-no!”
Quotes – 30 Essential Kenny Powers Quotes With Images
11.“I got two hard rules I live by, pop: I don’t fuck with the Devil, and I never do tag teams with blood relatives.”
12.“Did this tale end the way I thought it would? Probably not. But as long as I win, who gives a shit?”
13.“Yeah, I’ve actually had multiple orgasms on jet skis. Maybe it’s something in our blood that we can just ya know, get hard from riding fuckin’ badass ya know, terrain vehicles…water crafts…”
14.“Why would you do this to me? Here this whole time I thought you were the whore with a heart of gold. Instead you’re just a whore with a real whore’s heart.”
15.“I paid cash for the motherfucker. Bought it with an advance that I was paid for this, uh…self help novel I’m about to have published onto the Oprah’s book clubs…Pretty much saved all my pennies from my major league days. Invested a lot of it very wisely in stocks, bonds, famous works of arts.”
16.“I can’t believe I opened up my heart up to that bitch. Opened it wide up. And she just squatted with that big beautiful booty and dumped all over it.”
17.“Truth be told, things aren’t going as good for me as I led on to believe. The love of my life married some other dude, and my new girlfriend fed her pussy to the owner of the baseball team I just quit. I stole homeboy’s car, and now I’m probably a wanted fugitive.”
18.“Purity—it’s what we all desire, and it is what I’ve come here to share with you. Hence the all whites.”
19.Sure, I’ve been called a xenophobe, but the truth is, I’m not. I honestly just feel that America is the best country and the other countries aren’t as good. That used to be called patriotism.
I play real sports. Not trying to be the best at exercising. F**k this guy
21.I’ve been blessed with many things in this life: an arm like a damn rocket, a cock like a burmese python, and the mind of a f**king scientist.
22.There is no I in ‘team’ but there is a U in ‘ct.’ So don’t be little jealous cts, okay?
23.People say Kenny Powers is a woman hater. That’s not true. I love women. Every fking one of them, even the ugly as st ones. But don’t ask me to trust ’em. Not even nuns, because every pair of t**s comes with a gaping hole of need that even Kenny Powers can’t fill.
24.See, in life, when you have talent all the other s**t doesn’t matter. If we were on an island with no weights and no running drills, who would be on top then? The guy with the talent.
25.This is me every night dude, just staring at buttholes and getting a buzz on.
26.If there’s one thing I hate it’s losing. If there’s two things I hate it it’s losing and getting cancer.
27.Well, it’s no mystery that ass has always been ts greatest enemy. It’s almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with ts and ass.
28.Undaunted, I knew the game was mine to win. Just like in life, all of my successes depend on me. I’m the man who has the ball; I’m the man who can throw it faster than f**k. So, that is why I’m better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone.
29.Listen here you beautiful bitch, I’m about to f**k you up with some truth.
30.Before I go, I don’t want to leave you empty handed, I’m going to be signing a personalized headshot for each and every one of you. The only thing I would ask is that you would have your name prepared, because I don’t want to have to ask the same question thirty f**king times.