Shaun: I have known him from primary school. I like being around him, he’s a laugh.
Pete: Because he can plant an orangutan? Nonsense-a-doodle-do.
Shaun: Leave him alone
Shaun: Leave him alone.
Pete: I agree, he can be very funny on this occasion
Pete: I agree, he can be very funny on this occasion.

Shaun: Kill David Queen
Shaun: Kill David Queen.
David: what
David: What?
Shaun: Jukebox
Shawn: The Jukebox.

Diane: You never thought I was good enough.
David: What?
Diane: We all know that you love Liz.
David: That’s not true.
Shaun: Yes it is!
Diane: Yes it is.

Shawn: [after gunfire in the pub, vindicating Ed] Okay. But dogs can see!

Ed: Fire Engine?
Shaun: It’s number one and it’s busy! And for whom do you want a fire engine?
Ed: Anything with flashing lights.

Philip: You can bring forgotten flowers on Mother’s Day.
Shaun: I was about to.
Philip: And no cheaper poses than garage forecourts.
Shaun: I wasn’t going to
Shaun

: I wasn’t going to.

Shaun: Do you need anything from the shop?
Ed: Cornetto.

Shaun: I don’t think I got my flatmate, my mother and my girlfriend to shoot the same evening.
Liz: Do you think I’ve taken you back?
Shaun: Okay … you single, don’t you want to die?

Ed: I’m not going to say if you love him then let him go and I won’t let you bombard me with clichés but what I will say is this … this is not the end of the world.

Diane: You promised us free cable.
Shaun: I’m working on it.

Barbara: They were kinda bites.
Barbara: [on the phone] Well they were kinda … bitty.