30 BEST FUNNY INSURANCE QUOTES

1.A bull was standing near and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.

2.A lamp-post bumped into my car, damaging it in two places.

3.A pedestrian hit me and went under my car

4.A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.

5.After the accident a working gentleman offered to be a witness in my favour.

6.An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

7.As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before.

8.Car had to turn sharper than was necessary owing to an invisible lorry.

9.Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven’t got.

10.Cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.

11.First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car.

12.Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.

13.I am responsible for the accident as I was miles away at the time.

14.I am sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

15.I blew my horn but it would not work as it was stolen.

16.I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings.

17.I bumped into a shop window and sustained injuries to my wife.

18.I can’t give details of the accident as I was somewhat concussed at the time.

19.I collided with a stationary tramcar coming the other way.

20.I collided with a stationary tree.

21.I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way

22.I consider that neither vehicle was to blame but if either were to blame it was the other one.

23.A dog named Skyler accidentally turned the stove on when he reached for a one-year-old’s birthday cake that was sitting on the burner. Instead of eating the cake, he set it on fire. Fortunately, no humans or dogs were injured.

24.While driving on country roads in a fancy red sportscar, one man attempted to get a herd of goats out of the middle of the road by honking at them – which startled the goats so much they jumped on top of the car! One even battered his horns on the driver’s side door. Needless to say, this driver was thankful for carrying comprehensive coverage on his Auto Insurance

25.A motivational speaker had to get their insurance company involved when a volunteer from their audience sustained injuries, after being encouraged by the speaker to break a board with their hands.

26.Southerners know that snakes love cool, dark places. In fact, one Texas family had to have a rattlesnake removed from their plumbing after they saw its head peak out of the toilet! Shockingly, another 23 rattlesnakes were discovered under the home and around the plumbing system.

27.Two brothers were distraught when their family’s $1.1K claim for a new 60” smart TV was denied, after an interactive video game caused one of the brothers to launch his handheld controller into the screen at the speed of a fast pitch.

28.Wine enthusiasts know that a rare, properly aged bottle of wine can fetch for a pretty penny. When a sewage pipe backed up and overflowed, one homeowner filed a claim for wine in the basement cellar, which had been spoiled by heat from the damages. Talk about an un-Happy Hour.

29.After a month-long vacation in Greece, one couple was greeted with a less-than-ideal welcome home. The power went out at some point on their trip, causing all the contents of their upright freezer to defrost, coagulate and spill out onto the garage floor. This tale gets worse: The couple’s home was infested with mice scavenging for food, and had to be exterminated before repairs could be made.

30.A hunter in southwest Missouri polished his prized 4WD pickup truck with a carnauba car wax that had a distinct banana scent. When he returned from a hunting trip, he found a group of horses licking his truck. As he got closer, he noticed the truck was also covered in bite marks!